Stupidity
I'm not in a position to be passing on any of my genes at any point soon, but if I were I think I should be banned in some type of forced sterilisation. The reason I say this is that sometimes I do stupid things. Like last night when I couldn't sleep I decided to glue together one of my pairs of work shoes as the soles were coming off. I found a small tube of super-glue and tried to discharge a few drops into the sole of the shoe.
Nothing came out so I squeezed the bottle harder. It seemed as though the thin discharge nozzle was blocked. For some unknown and certainly unconsidered reason I then decided that I'd try and bite the nozzle to dislodge the obstruction or crush it up so that the glue could flow past.
What a stupid thing to do. Imagine the situation I'd have been in if the nozzle had suddenly split, or come away from the tube, or cleared and shot drops of super-glue into my mouth. Luckily for me it turned out that the whole bottle had set so I avoided an accident, but it was only afterwards I realised what a near miss it had been.
Monday, March 05, 2012
Self-learning
I'm realising that I'm scared of being alone and that this affects my behaviours a lot. Yesterday for example I went for a run in the morning with Sarah but when I got home and was by myself for the afternoon I suddenly felt very lonely and unsure of what to do with myself. Maybe this is why I find it hard to relax at the moment. I feel an unhealthy need for self affirmation from others, and if that is where I draw my self-worth then I'll perpetually be trying to do whatever think will win me attention and time from others, be that in work, running, friendships, relationships, etc. I can see that this will distract time and attention from other things that I should be doing. Not that spending time with others is bad, but if it's shifting my priorities and the things I value away from what really matters for the case of short term ego-stroking then it's not a helpful situation to be in perpetually.
I ask myself why this and struggle to know for sure. It's partially related to how I've derived self-worth for the majority of the last 20 years - through playing a serving role and getting a sense of satisfaction from doing this. In addition splitting up with Niki will probably have inevitably had an impact and whereas before I always knew that there'd be someone around, now there isn't. Whilst family and friends will always be there on the end of the phone it's not the same as knowing that there's someone who is there for you.
Being confident in my own skin, making my own decisions, being me and not being scared about who I am. These are all things that I need to do more of; to develop my sense of self-belief and confidence and self-assurance. It'll be from this position, and only from this position, that I can truly be myself and thus interact properly with others - not taking on an overly subservient role where I alter who I am and what I want to do for the sake of gaining what I see as approval from them.
I was thinking about this earlier as I was driving back from Morrisons. I'd been out to buy food for a friend who is coming over tomorrow for a bite to eat after we've tried out a particular running exercise that she has planned for later in the year for Roundhay Runners to make sure it's achievable for a range of strengths. The reason that Ann is coming over is because we also need to plan some beginners sessions for Roundhay Runners and that seemed to be the only time convenient. Again, I've suddenly realised how much this need to be liked influences me... The last time Ann was here I offered hot drinks and she asked if had decaffeinated tea or any fruit teas. I didn't, but this evening found myself buying both decaffeinated tea and a range of fruit teas without really considering why. Only when driving back I realised the root cause of this is more than trying to be an accommodating good host, it's because I'm scared of being lonely.
As I was thinking these thoughts the forthcoming Jack White song 'Love Interruption' was on the radio and seemed fairly pertinent...
I think that that last word is fairly fundamental.
I'm realising that I'm scared of being alone and that this affects my behaviours a lot. Yesterday for example I went for a run in the morning with Sarah but when I got home and was by myself for the afternoon I suddenly felt very lonely and unsure of what to do with myself. Maybe this is why I find it hard to relax at the moment. I feel an unhealthy need for self affirmation from others, and if that is where I draw my self-worth then I'll perpetually be trying to do whatever think will win me attention and time from others, be that in work, running, friendships, relationships, etc. I can see that this will distract time and attention from other things that I should be doing. Not that spending time with others is bad, but if it's shifting my priorities and the things I value away from what really matters for the case of short term ego-stroking then it's not a helpful situation to be in perpetually.
I ask myself why this and struggle to know for sure. It's partially related to how I've derived self-worth for the majority of the last 20 years - through playing a serving role and getting a sense of satisfaction from doing this. In addition splitting up with Niki will probably have inevitably had an impact and whereas before I always knew that there'd be someone around, now there isn't. Whilst family and friends will always be there on the end of the phone it's not the same as knowing that there's someone who is there for you.
Being confident in my own skin, making my own decisions, being me and not being scared about who I am. These are all things that I need to do more of; to develop my sense of self-belief and confidence and self-assurance. It'll be from this position, and only from this position, that I can truly be myself and thus interact properly with others - not taking on an overly subservient role where I alter who I am and what I want to do for the sake of gaining what I see as approval from them.
I was thinking about this earlier as I was driving back from Morrisons. I'd been out to buy food for a friend who is coming over tomorrow for a bite to eat after we've tried out a particular running exercise that she has planned for later in the year for Roundhay Runners to make sure it's achievable for a range of strengths. The reason that Ann is coming over is because we also need to plan some beginners sessions for Roundhay Runners and that seemed to be the only time convenient. Again, I've suddenly realised how much this need to be liked influences me... The last time Ann was here I offered hot drinks and she asked if had decaffeinated tea or any fruit teas. I didn't, but this evening found myself buying both decaffeinated tea and a range of fruit teas without really considering why. Only when driving back I realised the root cause of this is more than trying to be an accommodating good host, it's because I'm scared of being lonely.
As I was thinking these thoughts the forthcoming Jack White song 'Love Interruption' was on the radio and seemed fairly pertinent...
No I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
Yeah I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
Anymore
I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
Yeah I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
Anymore
I think that that last word is fairly fundamental.
The best way to buy maps?
I'm old fashioned and I know it. I've only had a smart phone for a year and don't particularly use it for that many 'smart' applications. I sometimes use the maps function but often find that it's not accurate enough or that I don't understand it. Because of this I'd not want to rely on it too much for essential navigation, particularly if the risk arising from going wrong was severe. Apparently others have a lot more faith in their devices than I do as the extract from the article below illustrates.
Ramblers are getting lost because many no longer have basic map reading skills and rely on smart phones and sat navs, mountain rescuers have warned. Ordnance Survey have reported that sales of its paper maps have dropped by 25 per cent since 2005, to 2.1 million last year. Over the same period, mountain rescue incidents in England and Wales have increased by 52 per cent, to 1,054 in 2011. Advice from the Peak District National Park ranger service is to not rely solely on electronic devices, and be competent using a compass and a map.
As a result of my lack of trust in my smart phone (which would probably be alleviated if actually spent some time working out how to use it properly) I've been buying quite a few maps recently and have found www.dash4it.co.uk to be very good for Ordnance Survey maps. I need quite a few to cover the areas where I'm planning on running this year, so am slowly stocking up. At present they have all OS maps reduced by 35% so I've recently bought a few to take advantage of this. They deliver for free and the maps are normally here the next day after ordering so I'm perfectly satisfied with their service.
I'm not getting any click through commission on this, just thought that I'd share a very good website that I've used quite a bit and would recommend to anyone. Even when they don't have the 35% off, their prices are cheaper than any others I've found on the internet. I think the only exception to this is that occasionally the OS itself (and it's official outlets) have a 3 for 2 offer on maps. The only development that I'd suggest to their site is a better quality image of the area covered by the map so you can check it covers the footprint that you need. To date this hasn't been a problem for me though as I've been buying specific map numbers.
I'm old fashioned and I know it. I've only had a smart phone for a year and don't particularly use it for that many 'smart' applications. I sometimes use the maps function but often find that it's not accurate enough or that I don't understand it. Because of this I'd not want to rely on it too much for essential navigation, particularly if the risk arising from going wrong was severe. Apparently others have a lot more faith in their devices than I do as the extract from the article below illustrates.
Ramblers are getting lost because many no longer have basic map reading skills and rely on smart phones and sat navs, mountain rescuers have warned. Ordnance Survey have reported that sales of its paper maps have dropped by 25 per cent since 2005, to 2.1 million last year. Over the same period, mountain rescue incidents in England and Wales have increased by 52 per cent, to 1,054 in 2011. Advice from the Peak District National Park ranger service is to not rely solely on electronic devices, and be competent using a compass and a map.
As a result of my lack of trust in my smart phone (which would probably be alleviated if actually spent some time working out how to use it properly) I've been buying quite a few maps recently and have found www.dash4it.co.uk to be very good for Ordnance Survey maps. I need quite a few to cover the areas where I'm planning on running this year, so am slowly stocking up. At present they have all OS maps reduced by 35% so I've recently bought a few to take advantage of this. They deliver for free and the maps are normally here the next day after ordering so I'm perfectly satisfied with their service.
I'm not getting any click through commission on this, just thought that I'd share a very good website that I've used quite a bit and would recommend to anyone. Even when they don't have the 35% off, their prices are cheaper than any others I've found on the internet. I think the only exception to this is that occasionally the OS itself (and it's official outlets) have a 3 for 2 offer on maps. The only development that I'd suggest to their site is a better quality image of the area covered by the map so you can check it covers the footprint that you need. To date this hasn't been a problem for me though as I've been buying specific map numbers.
Sunday, March 04, 2012
The 3 peaks.
Yesterday I ran the Yorkshire 3 peaks with a friend of mine. The weather was fairly miserable but overall it was a really good day out. We started about half past nine and clocked in at the Pen-y-Ghent cafe, before heading up Pen-y-Ghent and then dropping down into the Ribble Way to head up to Whernside and Ingleborough. Overall the weather was mixed. We were out for 6 hours and 12 minutes, of which nearly three quarters of an hour was paused time, when we were looking at views, navigating, eating etc. I'm sure that in future I could cut this paused time down a bit, but overall it was really good fun.
We had rain at the start and end but a couple off nice hours in the middle as we headed up the valley to Whernside and up it itself.
Covering the 41.6km in putt time equated to 9 minutes per km. At the end I didn't feel too tired which is good as the Fellsman will be well over twice as long. Ideally I'd try and do that at the same pace but I'll just have to see how the training goes over the next few months. It was really good to run with someone else as the company made time go a lot quicker and we had plenty of shared laughs.
Yesterday I ran the Yorkshire 3 peaks with a friend of mine. The weather was fairly miserable but overall it was a really good day out. We started about half past nine and clocked in at the Pen-y-Ghent cafe, before heading up Pen-y-Ghent and then dropping down into the Ribble Way to head up to Whernside and Ingleborough. Overall the weather was mixed. We were out for 6 hours and 12 minutes, of which nearly three quarters of an hour was paused time, when we were looking at views, navigating, eating etc. I'm sure that in future I could cut this paused time down a bit, but overall it was really good fun.
We had rain at the start and end but a couple off nice hours in the middle as we headed up the valley to Whernside and up it itself.
Covering the 41.6km in putt time equated to 9 minutes per km. At the end I didn't feel too tired which is good as the Fellsman will be well over twice as long. Ideally I'd try and do that at the same pace but I'll just have to see how the training goes over the next few months. It was really good to run with someone else as the company made time go a lot quicker and we had plenty of shared laughs.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Walking a tight rope.
I wonder what would happen tomorrow if everyone decided to do one selfless action to try and make someone's life better.
I wonder what could happen tomorrow if everyone decided to do one selfless action to try and make someone's life better.
By tomorrow evening this country could be buzzing with phone calls, tweets, FB updates and txt messages sharing stories of hope, laughter, reconciliation, excitement; of tomorrows which have potential to be more than today was. Of new starts, pats on the back, friends sharing troubles, problems solved, hope restored, brokenness salved...
Maybe that's why I'm a dreamer, an idealist, hopelessly hopeful, believing that things can be better and that things should be better, but that those changes require us to do things differently. As Albert Einstein is rumoured to have said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." The problem is that taking that step is scary. Often it's not reciprocated. Often it's scorned. Often you're considered to have an ulterior motive. Often it's not understood or it backfires and you're left there holding the pieces and looking like a fool.
Another Einstein quote is that 'Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.'. And that's where it doesn't matter if you're left looking like a fool, provided that you know you are not a fool. That you are working towards something that is different, that is founded on principles that may at times seem alien and unnatural.
I have a large amount of respect for someone who has been trying to restore a broken friendship for nearly a year. That person has recently been pushed almost to breaking point by the other person's approach. I don't know all the details nor do I want to. I don't know who's right, but suspect that as is ever the case when I've been in these situations that after time 'right' is a concept that it very hard to define, particularly when trying to take the dust out of your friends eye whilst blindfold yourself. It's a situation that I don't want to take sides in but that decision has had painful impacts on me. It's a situation where I so wish the people involved could simply find a way to resolve it, to move forward, to take one step towards a better place so that the impact on them and all those around them would be reduced. I hate the pain and division that it is causing. And to a certain extent I'm in the middle of it trying to steer a caring, appropriate, loving and inclusive path.
The problem is that I really don't think there is one action I could do to make an impact on this situation, selfless or otherwise. Maybe I'll just txt NETS to 83010 and save a child's life from malaria or donate £15 to WaterAid to provide life-saving water and sanitation to someone in the world.
I wonder what would happen tomorrow if everyone decided to do one selfless action to try and make someone's life better.
I wonder what could happen tomorrow if everyone decided to do one selfless action to try and make someone's life better.
By tomorrow evening this country could be buzzing with phone calls, tweets, FB updates and txt messages sharing stories of hope, laughter, reconciliation, excitement; of tomorrows which have potential to be more than today was. Of new starts, pats on the back, friends sharing troubles, problems solved, hope restored, brokenness salved...
Maybe that's why I'm a dreamer, an idealist, hopelessly hopeful, believing that things can be better and that things should be better, but that those changes require us to do things differently. As Albert Einstein is rumoured to have said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." The problem is that taking that step is scary. Often it's not reciprocated. Often it's scorned. Often you're considered to have an ulterior motive. Often it's not understood or it backfires and you're left there holding the pieces and looking like a fool.
Another Einstein quote is that 'Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.'. And that's where it doesn't matter if you're left looking like a fool, provided that you know you are not a fool. That you are working towards something that is different, that is founded on principles that may at times seem alien and unnatural.
I have a large amount of respect for someone who has been trying to restore a broken friendship for nearly a year. That person has recently been pushed almost to breaking point by the other person's approach. I don't know all the details nor do I want to. I don't know who's right, but suspect that as is ever the case when I've been in these situations that after time 'right' is a concept that it very hard to define, particularly when trying to take the dust out of your friends eye whilst blindfold yourself. It's a situation that I don't want to take sides in but that decision has had painful impacts on me. It's a situation where I so wish the people involved could simply find a way to resolve it, to move forward, to take one step towards a better place so that the impact on them and all those around them would be reduced. I hate the pain and division that it is causing. And to a certain extent I'm in the middle of it trying to steer a caring, appropriate, loving and inclusive path.
The problem is that I really don't think there is one action I could do to make an impact on this situation, selfless or otherwise. Maybe I'll just txt NETS to 83010 and save a child's life from malaria or donate £15 to WaterAid to provide life-saving water and sanitation to someone in the world.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Feet in the clouds
I've just finished reading Richard Askwith's book 'Feet in the clouds. A tale of fell-running and obsession.' I am not a fell runner but it's something that I'd like to try at some point. However the feats that they pull off sound virtually unbelievable.
An ongoing theme in the book though is a discussion about why people do this rather obscure activity. I think it's summarised well in a paragraph towards the end of the book (page 324) which states:
There is a code of honour among fell-runners which places one's obligations to one's fellow runners firmly above one's obligations to oneself. Not all of them live by it - but a surprisingly large proportion do. I think this is because, almost by definition, fell-runners are people who are ambitious neither for prestige nor for profit. Instead, they are motivated by a thirst for joy: the joy of being totally absorbed, as our ancestors were, in wild environments; the joy of throwing off the straitjackets of caution and civilisation; the joy of finding and pushing back limits; and occasionally, the joy of doing things that one had thought impossible.
I'm touching on that thirst for joy at times when I run, and can appreciate how much more so it must be when pitting yourself against yourself in the wild hills and fells.
I've just finished reading Richard Askwith's book 'Feet in the clouds. A tale of fell-running and obsession.' I am not a fell runner but it's something that I'd like to try at some point. However the feats that they pull off sound virtually unbelievable.
An ongoing theme in the book though is a discussion about why people do this rather obscure activity. I think it's summarised well in a paragraph towards the end of the book (page 324) which states:
There is a code of honour among fell-runners which places one's obligations to one's fellow runners firmly above one's obligations to oneself. Not all of them live by it - but a surprisingly large proportion do. I think this is because, almost by definition, fell-runners are people who are ambitious neither for prestige nor for profit. Instead, they are motivated by a thirst for joy: the joy of being totally absorbed, as our ancestors were, in wild environments; the joy of throwing off the straitjackets of caution and civilisation; the joy of finding and pushing back limits; and occasionally, the joy of doing things that one had thought impossible.
I'm touching on that thirst for joy at times when I run, and can appreciate how much more so it must be when pitting yourself against yourself in the wild hills and fells.
A good day of running
Today was a day of running an unexpected distance, but punctuated with periods of non running.
I was originally planning on running to parkrun, doing it, and then running back which would have been a total distance of around 25km, 80% of which would have been off-road. For various reasons that didn't work out and so I got a lift to parkrun and then then ran that as a rather lonely 24 minute pacer, as the person who'd requested that I pace at that fell behind on the first lap and then never caught me up.
After parkrun I went for a coffee in Napa Bar in Roundhay with others from parkrun and then decided to run to Pudsey as I needed to exchange a compass in Go Outdoors. I'd bought the compass a few weeks ago but discovered that it didn't point to north. Well actually it could point north but if you then rotated it by up to 20 degrees to the east or west the needle simply moved with the compass body. It was therefore very difficult to know where north actually was and you could have ended up significantly off from the intended bearing. I guess the needle was binding on something but there was nothing obvious obstructing it so I decided the best thing to do would simply be to swap it.
I therefore started running around the ring road from Roundhay to Pudsey, estimating that the total distance would be about 10km. It turns out that the ring road is longer and hillier than I'd realised from driving it and it was actually just over 15km, but the run was quite enjoyable with a few prolonged hill climbs in there to make me work fairly hard to keep a fairly even pace. I then of course had to get back home so ran back around the ring road to the vicinity of roundhay (another 15km) and then having stopped at Thomas' to fill up my water bottle did the final 6km home. All in all it was around 42km with 550m climbing in it, quite a bit more than I'd anticipated and probably wiping me out for the rest of the day which will not help with completion of my tax return.The other thing that made it a bit harder was that I was carrying a rucksack with a coat etc in it, and that weighed about 5kg.
Today was a day of running an unexpected distance, but punctuated with periods of non running.
I was originally planning on running to parkrun, doing it, and then running back which would have been a total distance of around 25km, 80% of which would have been off-road. For various reasons that didn't work out and so I got a lift to parkrun and then then ran that as a rather lonely 24 minute pacer, as the person who'd requested that I pace at that fell behind on the first lap and then never caught me up.
After parkrun I went for a coffee in Napa Bar in Roundhay with others from parkrun and then decided to run to Pudsey as I needed to exchange a compass in Go Outdoors. I'd bought the compass a few weeks ago but discovered that it didn't point to north. Well actually it could point north but if you then rotated it by up to 20 degrees to the east or west the needle simply moved with the compass body. It was therefore very difficult to know where north actually was and you could have ended up significantly off from the intended bearing. I guess the needle was binding on something but there was nothing obvious obstructing it so I decided the best thing to do would simply be to swap it.
I therefore started running around the ring road from Roundhay to Pudsey, estimating that the total distance would be about 10km. It turns out that the ring road is longer and hillier than I'd realised from driving it and it was actually just over 15km, but the run was quite enjoyable with a few prolonged hill climbs in there to make me work fairly hard to keep a fairly even pace. I then of course had to get back home so ran back around the ring road to the vicinity of roundhay (another 15km) and then having stopped at Thomas' to fill up my water bottle did the final 6km home. All in all it was around 42km with 550m climbing in it, quite a bit more than I'd anticipated and probably wiping me out for the rest of the day which will not help with completion of my tax return.The other thing that made it a bit harder was that I was carrying a rucksack with a coat etc in it, and that weighed about 5kg.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Advent - Day 6 - Coincidences (retrospectively)
Tonight I went around to a girl (S) from Mosaic's house to help her out. She's currently training to be a barrister and is doing a 1 year course at a private university in Leeds. As part of her course she had an exam on Thursday and was preparing for it.
The exam was not a written one, but a role play situation where the situation was that she was meeting a client for the first time (which apparently often happens just before a hearing). The barrister will have been provided with all the witness statements that the solicitors acting on the case have prepared and has an hour to interview the client and advise them on the best course of action with regards to what they should plead. S often practices these with her colleagues on the course but as they were all preparing for the same exam, and had the same supporting papers, wanted to practice with someone else.
I had to read the witness and police statements and then play the role of the accused in the interview. All I knew was what I could glean from the documents and I was free to say what I wanted and take any approach that I wanted to build on these and give my perspective.
The interview lasted for an hour and whilst it was quite hard work for me I think I made S work even harder by being fairly awkward at times, asking questions that went off topic and making her explain everything many times over. Based on my understanding of the situation I decided to admit to one offence and plead guilty but to deny the second offence that I had been accused of and to want to plead not guilty. This was a surprise to S who had not considered that possibility in her preparation and so went away to make sure she was fully conversant with the implications of this potential outcome.
It turns out that on the day of the exam, the client (played by a briefed actor), took exactly the same approach that I had done, meaning that S had a perfectly prepared set of recommendations and could advise on the likely outcomes of taking this approach.
My thoughts today were about those who people consider to be lucky, or fortunate. It's true that we don't know the future and however well we plan there can be things which occur which we could never expect or foresee. But irrespective of this I feel that preparation is important. I don't know what I'm preparing for at present because I don't really have a vision or goal. That doesn't worry me in the short term, but what does worry me is what I need to do to get that vision / goal. I think it probably requires me to stop and take time out, something that I'm not good at doing at all, ever.
Tonight I went around to a girl (S) from Mosaic's house to help her out. She's currently training to be a barrister and is doing a 1 year course at a private university in Leeds. As part of her course she had an exam on Thursday and was preparing for it.
The exam was not a written one, but a role play situation where the situation was that she was meeting a client for the first time (which apparently often happens just before a hearing). The barrister will have been provided with all the witness statements that the solicitors acting on the case have prepared and has an hour to interview the client and advise them on the best course of action with regards to what they should plead. S often practices these with her colleagues on the course but as they were all preparing for the same exam, and had the same supporting papers, wanted to practice with someone else.
I had to read the witness and police statements and then play the role of the accused in the interview. All I knew was what I could glean from the documents and I was free to say what I wanted and take any approach that I wanted to build on these and give my perspective.
The interview lasted for an hour and whilst it was quite hard work for me I think I made S work even harder by being fairly awkward at times, asking questions that went off topic and making her explain everything many times over. Based on my understanding of the situation I decided to admit to one offence and plead guilty but to deny the second offence that I had been accused of and to want to plead not guilty. This was a surprise to S who had not considered that possibility in her preparation and so went away to make sure she was fully conversant with the implications of this potential outcome.
It turns out that on the day of the exam, the client (played by a briefed actor), took exactly the same approach that I had done, meaning that S had a perfectly prepared set of recommendations and could advise on the likely outcomes of taking this approach.
My thoughts today were about those who people consider to be lucky, or fortunate. It's true that we don't know the future and however well we plan there can be things which occur which we could never expect or foresee. But irrespective of this I feel that preparation is important. I don't know what I'm preparing for at present because I don't really have a vision or goal. That doesn't worry me in the short term, but what does worry me is what I need to do to get that vision / goal. I think it probably requires me to stop and take time out, something that I'm not good at doing at all, ever.
Monday, December 05, 2011
Advent - Day 5 - Nothing
Today has been a busy but productive day at work but not getting back until quite late this evening meant that I couldn't do some of the things I'd have liked to such as ringing my family. I'd all kinds of thoughts rushing about in my head - fragments of ideas of things I could reflect on. When I turned off the lights and lit the advent candle though all I found myself doing was stopping and thinking about absolutely nothing. It's not easy catching thoughts as they start to filter into your head and putting them away for attention later but simply stopping and looking at the flame has helped take away some of the stresses and worries of the day.
There was quite a release in being aware of so many things that I could rationalise, analyse, prioritise or hypothesise about but consciously not doing it then and there. Often I find myself responding to situations without thinking things through and by being so impulsive probably often don't spend my time or energy wisely. I jump first and then look. I reply to the trivial urgent emails but at the expense of the important non-urgent ones. I update my status on facebook so a handful of people who don't really know me think something particular about me rather than picking up the phone and talking to the people who really matter in my life. I read the news on the computer rather than just getting on the the decorating.
Taking control of my time through consciously doing nothing, even for only 5 minutes, has been enlightening.
Today has been a busy but productive day at work but not getting back until quite late this evening meant that I couldn't do some of the things I'd have liked to such as ringing my family. I'd all kinds of thoughts rushing about in my head - fragments of ideas of things I could reflect on. When I turned off the lights and lit the advent candle though all I found myself doing was stopping and thinking about absolutely nothing. It's not easy catching thoughts as they start to filter into your head and putting them away for attention later but simply stopping and looking at the flame has helped take away some of the stresses and worries of the day.
There was quite a release in being aware of so many things that I could rationalise, analyse, prioritise or hypothesise about but consciously not doing it then and there. Often I find myself responding to situations without thinking things through and by being so impulsive probably often don't spend my time or energy wisely. I jump first and then look. I reply to the trivial urgent emails but at the expense of the important non-urgent ones. I update my status on facebook so a handful of people who don't really know me think something particular about me rather than picking up the phone and talking to the people who really matter in my life. I read the news on the computer rather than just getting on the the decorating.
Taking control of my time through consciously doing nothing, even for only 5 minutes, has been enlightening.
Sunday, December 04, 2011
Advent - Day 4 - Matthew 1:21
Yesterday I received my first Christmas card in the post. In of itself that was nice although it did make me suddenly panic that I needed to do my Christmas cards and send them very soon.
On the envelope I noticed the stamp. It had a picture of an angel and the text Matthew 1:21. Looking up this passage in the Bible it's where an angel appears to Joseph in a dream and says "She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for it is He who will save His people from their sins."
I'm sure that some would preach an entire sermon on that single verse, but the thing that struck me as I was stopping and thinking today was about how non-secular a statement that was to put on a stamp. Apparently the Royal Mail alternates each year between secular and non-secular themes. It's refreshing in this age of political correctness and attempts to please everyone that such strong messages about what the Christmas story was actually about when it started can still be maintained.
It's strange being by myself this advent. Many of my friends are busy talking about Christmas and putting up their trees and decorating their houses but my heart is just not in it at present. Their focus is on having a special time in this cold and dark part of the year and I certainly can't blame them for that. With a half painted house and trying to keep myself busy as much as possible the thought of getting the decorations that Niki and I used to share out of the loft and putting them up in the house isn't welcoming. I think it'd be too painful. My advent this year is therefore proving to be fairly frugal and bare, but structured in that I'm enjoying taking time out to think each day.
Yesterday I received my first Christmas card in the post. In of itself that was nice although it did make me suddenly panic that I needed to do my Christmas cards and send them very soon.
On the envelope I noticed the stamp. It had a picture of an angel and the text Matthew 1:21. Looking up this passage in the Bible it's where an angel appears to Joseph in a dream and says "She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for it is He who will save His people from their sins."
I'm sure that some would preach an entire sermon on that single verse, but the thing that struck me as I was stopping and thinking today was about how non-secular a statement that was to put on a stamp. Apparently the Royal Mail alternates each year between secular and non-secular themes. It's refreshing in this age of political correctness and attempts to please everyone that such strong messages about what the Christmas story was actually about when it started can still be maintained.
It's strange being by myself this advent. Many of my friends are busy talking about Christmas and putting up their trees and decorating their houses but my heart is just not in it at present. Their focus is on having a special time in this cold and dark part of the year and I certainly can't blame them for that. With a half painted house and trying to keep myself busy as much as possible the thought of getting the decorations that Niki and I used to share out of the loft and putting them up in the house isn't welcoming. I think it'd be too painful. My advent this year is therefore proving to be fairly frugal and bare, but structured in that I'm enjoying taking time out to think each day.
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